Take it from me, I’ve experienced burn out on many occasions. Having a full time job, three little ones, a household and a marriage to manage is certainly a handful so I’m writing this post in a way to help myself and to help other moms out there in a similar situation. I hope you can relate and learn from it as I do. If some of these don’t apply to you, good for you! That means you’re doing something right! If you can relate and are nodding your head when you see the points, I’m with you mama! We can get through this together.
So what is this horrible thing called mom burn out? It’s basically the point where you’ve had enough. You are completely exhausted and lack the energy to handle your responsibilities well. You no longer have the mental or physical energy to go on. You are just spent. You’re emotional, you snap at people, and you feel negative about yourself and the world around you. Does this sound like you at all? If so, you have burned out. Here are 8 reasons why we burn out as moms and how to deal with it.
WE TAKE ON TOO MUCH
We have long to-do lists. We are always going and going never taking time to slow down. There’s always too much to do and not enough time. We are so busy that we are flustered and stressed out to the max.
SOLUTION: Schedule everything but most importantly your priorities. Have a “must do” list and a “nice to do list”. If you didn’t get to your “nice to do” list. It’s ok, because it wasn’t a priority. Also, schedule time to “not do” which is equally as important.
WE STRIVE FOR PERFECTION
We strive for a picture perfect home that’s beautifully decorated and spotless. We strive for a picture perfect career where we are at the top of our game. We strive for picture perfect kids who are in sports and other activities. Everything has to be exactly the way we want it and we always have to look put together and polished or we freak out.
SOLUTION: We have to accept that things won’t always be perfect. If we focus on perfection, we will always disappoint ourselves. Things will happen. Other things will take priority which means other minor tasks will fall by the way side. It’s just not realistic to have all aspects of our lives perfect all the time. Accept things as they occur and just be happy with the fact that we’ve tried our best in every situation.
WE FOCUS ON THE WRONG THINGS
We focus on everything but what’s important. Instead of playing with the kids, we focus on doing the dishes. Instead of story time, we are doing the laundry. Instead of doing an art activity, we are putting away the toys. Instead of dancing with our kids when their favourite song is playing, we are working on something that seems to be more important at that time. We get focused on all the little tasks that need to be done, that we end up missing precious moments with our kids.
SOLUTION: Don’t get me wrong, all those things need to be done, but sometimes, we have to put down that last piece of laundry, and just enjoy the moment. Be present with your children. Don’t think about the past or the future, just think about the here and now. I know it can be hard, but sometimes we need to turn a blind eye to all the mess and just BE with our kids.
WE DON’T TAKE TIME TO REST
Rest? Who has time for rest? We don’t take naps. We never sit on the couch to relax. We basically are never sitting down EVER. We stand when we eat. We go to bed super late. We are on our phones on Facebook when we are lying in bed. When people tell us to rest we end up doing chores around the house. Resting seems like a waste of time.
SOLUTION: Go to bed at a decent hour. Rest is so important. When I’ve had a good rest I feel rejuvenated and able to take on my day. I feel full of energy and in a much happier mood. Take care of yourself and give yourself the much needed sleep you deserve.
WE WORK TOO MUCH
We feel like we live at work. We go to work early and come home late. We feel like we never see our kids. We feel guilty for working so much but we feel bad if we don’t work because we need to make money. Work can be stressful and can be physically and mentally demanding. By the time you get home, you are drained and don’t feel you have enough energy to be there for your family and your spouse let alone all the other things you have to do.
SOLUTION: If you feel like you work too much, see if you can afford to go part-time. Do a job share or find a job that fits your lifestyle. If you are not happy with your current work, change it. Find a schedule that works for you so you can do the things that are important for you and your family.
WE ALWAYS WANT TO HAVE CONTROL
We never let anyone else do the chores. We have to do it, otherwise it’s not done properly. We don’t let hubby do any of the chores because he’s not as good at it. He’s not as fast. He’s not use to it. Everything needs to be done our way. We need to be in control.
SOLUTION: I’ve learned this myself. Let go of the reigns a little. It’s ok to relinquish the control to other people. Think of your family as a team. Delegate tasks to your spouse and children. Everyone needs to pitch in and help out.
WE DON’T ASK FOR HELP
We insist on doing the groceries with all the kids in tow. We insist that we can do all the errands by ourselves. We insist that we can keep on going without a break. We insist that we don’t need a mom day off to relax. We insist that we are ok and don’t need any help.
SOLUTION: It’s ok to ask for help. Just because you’ve asked for help, doesn’t mean you’re a bad mom. You don’t always have to do things on your own.
WE TAKE CARE OF EVERYONE ELSE BUT OURSELVES
Others’ needs seem more important than our own. We let ourselves go. We stop caring about the way we look. We don’t care about the way we dress. We don’t take the time to treat ourselves nice. We don’t go out to see friends. We just focus on the people we care for and all the housework and errands that need to be done and nothing else.
SOLUTION: Treat yourself nice. Every once in while, get your nails done. Go for a massage. Have lunch with a good friend. If you don’t like any of those ideas, you can go for a walk, meditate or just have some nice quiet time to yourself. Love yourself and take care of yourself and you’ll be in better shape to take care of those around you.
For 2017 let’s fight mom burn out together. Let’s rest, spend time with our kids, find a better work life balance, treat ourselves nice and relinquish some of the control. We can do it, moms!